none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
There r osticjed everywhere
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
