I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
