I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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