Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
