I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
