She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
