My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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