I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize