thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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