i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
