How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
honey bunches of taint.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
