She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
