Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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