Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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