Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
