i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
