Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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