I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
