They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
