Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
How does it feel to date your dad?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
