Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
