I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize