we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
