Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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