it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
