I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
