I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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