So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
