Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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