Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
