I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
