Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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