the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
