You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
