At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
