I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
