his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize