One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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