Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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