Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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