The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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