Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize