meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
