Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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