A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
