I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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