If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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