If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
