If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
