hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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