i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
