I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
