i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
