My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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