pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
