the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
