there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
