I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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