I think I died a long time ago.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize