Umm I'm too high to move.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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