That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize