Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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