we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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