Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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