I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
