This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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