So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
