hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
