dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
