You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
