it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
