today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
