Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Randomize
