I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
