It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There r osticjed everywhere
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We have so much sex to catch up on
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
