Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
