i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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