So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
