a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
