Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
