I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
