Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
