She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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