3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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