Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We need to feng shui this bitch.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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