Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
