Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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